


we'll fashion ourselves a better fit

by embyrr922



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Healthy Communication, M/M, Relationship Negotiation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 03:16:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11569161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embyrr922/pseuds/embyrr922
Summary: Dex has never really been one for talking about his emotions, certainly not as plainly and bluntly as he and Nursey have been over the last few months, but he can't really argue with the fact that they haven't had the big blowout fight that he'd been worried would come when they first started dating. Between the relationship talks and the therapist he started seeing after he had an embarrassingly public meltdown in front of the team, Dex is pretty sure he's talked about his emotions more in the last five months than in his entire previous life. He can't argue with the results, and it has gotten a bit easier with time, but—It's still really fucking awkward.





	we'll fashion ourselves a better fit

Dex has never really been one for talking about his emotions, certainly not as plainly and bluntly as he and Nursey have been over the last few months, but he can't really argue with the fact that they haven't had the big blowout fight that he'd been worried would come when they first started dating. Between the relationship talks and the therapist he started seeing after he had an embarrassingly public meltdown in front of the team, Dex is pretty sure he's talked about his emotions more in the last five months than in his entire previous life. He can't argue with the results, and it has gotten a bit easier with time, but—  
  
It's still really fucking awkward.  
  
Which is why he's been pacing his and Nursey's room for the last twenty minutes, waiting for Nursey to get back from class. Because as his therapist has pointed out, he's brought the subject up in every session for the last month and a half, and since Nursey's the only one who can really settle the issue, at some point this conversation needs to actually happen.  
  
Dex is dragged out of his worrying by what sounds like a buffalo charging up the staircase, and he can't help but laugh a little. The Haus is old and creaky as hell, but he's pretty sure that Nursey and Holster are the only ones who’ve ever made that much noise going up and down the stairs.  
  
Dex tries to smooth his hair down from where he's been running his fingers through it (and pulling on it, which is a bad habit that he can't seem to break). He's still trying to get control of whatever expression his face is making when the door opens.  
  
Nursey drops his backpack next to the door and turns to grin at Dex, pulling him into a quick kiss and what would be a quick hug, except that Dex tightens his arms around him and buries his face against the side of Nursey's neck. Nursey's hugs feel so safe, and he always smells warm, and the scared animal part of Dex’s brain is screaming that he's going to lose this. He allows himself to cling, just for a moment.  
  
"Hey, babe, everything alright?" One of Nursey's hands comes up to cup the back of his neck, and Dex takes a deep breath before straightening up and meeting Nursey's eyes.  
  
"I wanted to talk about something, if that's okay." It's what they've settled on to start serious conversations, because it doesn't help anything to try to discuss something important when one or both of them is exhausted or upset. Dex sometimes hates using scripts and key phrases like this, but it works, and he resents the process a lot less than he appreciates the results.  
  
"Yeah, of course," Nursey says, and Dex has to look away. He goes to sit on the edge of the bottom bunk—technically Nursey's, but they sleep crammed together in it more nights than not these days—as Nursey drags the desk chair over to face him.  
  
Words are always hard for Dex, especially when it's something he's feeling vulnerable about, but with Nursey looking at him, open and patient and slightly concerned, they feel almost impossible.  
  
"I— Y-you— We—" Dex growls in frustration, now is not the time for his stutter to make an appearance, but Nursey just leans over to grab the fidget cube off the edge of the desk and hands it to him. Dex isn't sure who it originally belonged to, but it's shared property now, and he always talks better if he has something else to focus on. He flips it around in his hands a couple of times before he settles on rapidly flicking the switch back and forth, waiting for his breathing to calm.  
  
"You knew I was ace before we started dating," Dex says, trying to lateral his way to the point. "We talked about it. We talked about it a lot." He glances up at Nursey, who nods encouragingly. "I know you've said you're okay with us not having sex, and I _know_ you're not lying about it, but I keep being afraid that at some point you're going to... I don't know, get fed up and decide I'm not worth it."  
  
Nursey makes a concerned sound and hooks a foot behind Dex's ankle. "Have you talked to Dr. Ramos about it? I know you said you guys were working on intrusive thoughts."  
  
"Yeah," he glances up again and catches Nursey's eyes for a moment before looking away, talking to the wastepaper basket next to the desk. "At like our last four sessions, but none of the counter thoughts I've come up with have really been working. We pretty much decided that the best plan was for me to talk to you about it directly, so..." Dex makes a vague, expansive gesture.  
  
Nursey takes Dex's hand, the one that isn't holding the cube, and squeezes it gently before letting go, shifting his weight in the chair, and saying, "Do you know why you're worried about it? Is there anything I've been doing to set it off?"  
  
"I don't know. I don’t think so?" Dex says, running his fingers through his hair, pulling at it a little, trying to focus. "It's just, people talk about sex like it's the most important fucking thing in the world, you know? And I should be able to just trust you when you say it's not—I want to!—but I hear a girl in my stats class say she’s thinking about dumping her boyfriend because the sex is just that bad or I watch people at kegsters who spend the entire night looking for someone to hook up with and I just—" Dex runs a hand through his hair again, flipping the cube around and rapidly clicking one of the buttons, "I guess the problem is that the only context I have is what other people say, and I've got you saying you're fine if we don't ever have sex against literally every other time I've heard someone talk about it."  
  
Nursey's quiet for a moment, thinking, and Dex wishes he had something more destructive to do with his hands, like shredding a paper cup.  
  
"When I asked you out," Nursey says, after a small eternity of seconds, "you told me that I needed to be absolutely sure, because you didn't want to start something if a lack of sex was going to end it.  
  
"And I thought about it, Will. I thought about us a year from now, looking for jobs and trying to figure out where we'll live, apartment hunting together. I thought about us five years from now, with jobs and a life and probably like twelve gigantic dogs because you're some kind of monster," Dex huffs, grinning. The dog debate is longstanding and constantly mutating into more and more ridiculous permutations of itself. "I thought about ten years from now and maybe adopting a couple of kids, being dads," Nursey's voice has gone soft, and he knocks his knee against Dex's. "I thought about all of that future, and I want that, I want it with you. Part of being with you is not having sex, and I want that too."  
  
"Derek," Dex's voice comes out as a croak, and he has to swallow hard, blinking against the tears he can feel gathering. Maybe three months is too short a time for the amount of love that's rioting in his chest right now, but Nursey's looking at him with soft eyes and a soft smile, and Dex can't help but reach out and cup his cheek, gently pull him in for a kiss, press their foreheads together and try to breathe through the storm of emotions.  
  
"I want that. I want all of that so much," he says hoarsely, pulling back slowly and trying to wipe his eyes surreptitiously. He hates how easily he cries, but Nursey's never made fun of him for it, never even brought it up. "I just don't know how to get my brain to stop telling me that it's something I can't have. I feel like... like you're giving something up for me, but I haven't given anything up for you. I feel selfish."  
  
"Babe," Nursey says, but Dex can't drag is gaze up from where he's staring at his own hands, "relationships aren't built from a template that you add or subtract from. I never gave anything up to be with you. Us, what we have, we built that from scratch."  
  
Dex keeps staring at his fingers like he hopes they'll somehow provide the answer to why what Nursey's saying isn't helping. It feels like chasing a nasty sliver with a pair of tweezers, every time he thinks he's got it, it slips out of his grasp and burrows deeper.  
  
"I know, I know that," Dex says. "I'm not trying to be stubborn, but it still feels wrong. It feels like... I don't know."  
  
They sit in silence for a long time. It's probably minutes, but it feels like years as Dex tries to let his mind calm, as if the right answer will settle out like sediment.  
  
"I think," he says eventually, "it's... people talk about sex like it's food. All the words around it like 'hunger' and 'appetite' and 'sated'. And all the metaphors around it too, the imagery and stuff." Dex takes a deep breath as the words for the feeling that's been itching under his skin for weeks finally, finally take shape. He looks up and meets Nursey's eyes. "It makes me worry that I'm starving you."  
  
Nursey looks startled for a moment, then frowns thoughtfully. "You're not starving me," he says, "and I'm not starving myself, either, so don't start." Dex hadn't been planning to, but the thought had occurred. They sit in silence for another handful of heartbeats before Nursey speaks up again.  
  
"It’s like,” he says slowly, “if it were important to me, and I asked you to, would you stop eating pork?"

  
Dex feels all the air punch out of his lungs like he just got checked into the boards as that sliver of doubt is finally, finally pulled out from under his skin.  
  
"Yeah," he says, breathless, "yeah, I would. I— Yeah."  
  
Nursey's grinning at him like the insufferable asshole he is, and Dex's hands are shaking just a little with the force of his relief because he suddenly, finally feels like he _understands_ , and abruptly Nursey is entirely too far away. Dex drops the cube as he reaches out and hauls Nursey onto the bed with him. It takes a little maneuvering, but soon enough they're curled together, facing each other. Dex might be crying, just a little, but Nursey has one hand in his hair and the other around his waist and Dex is hugging him so close that there's no space between them and it's good. It's so, so good.  
  
They end up making out on the bed for a while, until Dex's emotional high settles a bit and they slowly transition to cuddling. Eventually, Nursey drags out his laptop and sets it on their laps. They’ve recently started watching Legend of Korra together, and Nursey’s just cued up the next episode when a thought occurs to Dex.  
  
"I think I want to do something like that for you, though," he says, and Nursey shoots him a look that's equal parts confusion and concern. "Not— Not as a trade or because I think I owe you or anything, I just think it would be helpful to have something really solid to use as a counter for intrusive thoughts."  
  
"I can see that," Nursey says, looking thoughtful. He closes the laptop and sets it aside, turning to face Dex more fully. "It's not like I actually want you to change your deit or anything, though."  
  
"No, I know," Dex says, taking Nursey's hand and lacing their fingers together, "and it doesn't need to be particularly big. Just, you know, something I wouldn't necessarily do for myself, but that I can do for you."  
  
Nursey nods, and they sit quietly for a moment, this silence so much lighter than the ones previous. Slowly, a smile steals over Nursey's face. It's Dex's favorite, quietly happy with nothing affected about it. He's seen it a lot since they got together.  
  
"I think I have an idea," Nursey says, standing and walking over to their bookshelf, overloaded and sagging because it's definitely too small to hold everything that's been crammed onto it. He pulls out a small book and returns to the bed, handing it to Dex.  
  
" _Visiting Hours_ ," Dex reads aloud. The cover is a little worn, and as Dex flips through a few pages, he smiles at Nursey's handwriting in the margins.  
  
"I've had it since I was in middle school," Nursey says, "there's some really good stuff in here."  
  
"Poetry," Dex says, letting it fall open to a random page and running his fingertips down a column of text , "I suppose I should've guessed."  
  
Nursey flicks his ear, but he's still smiling. “Maybe you could read one or two a week, give us something new to talk about."  
  
Dex closes the book again, weighing it between his hands. "I think this is perfect," he says, then thrusts the book back at Nursey and adds, "read one to me."  
  
"Dick," Nursey snorts, grabbing Dex around the neck and hauling him in for a noogie. He's grinning, though, and by the time Dex squirms free (with the help of and elbow digging into Nursey's ribs) they're both laughing. Nursey leans over and picks up the book from where it got knocked to the floor, and as they settle back in together, Nursey flips through the pages, seemingly searching for a particular poem.  
  
"Alright," he says, wrapping an arm around Dex's shoulders. Dex snuggles into his side and rests his head against Nursey's chest. "I think you'll like this one.  
  
" _During visiting hours_  
_I had to read to sick people_  
  
_the kind of people who had no one_  
_it was my punishment_  
_catholic school community service_  
_for farting on a nun's muffin_ "  
  
Dex laughs, and Nursey grins down at him before continuing to read.  
  
They're good. They're so, so good.

**Author's Note:**

> The poem Nursey reads at the end is Visiting Hours by Shane Koyczan. Many thanks to [@vicioushyperbolizer](http://vicioushyperbolizer.tumblr.com/) on tumblr for suggesting Koyczan, since the extent my my knowledge of poetry is a couple of Robert Frost poems I memorized in middle school.
> 
> Come say hi to me on tumblr [@embyrr922](https://embyrr922.tumblr.com/)


End file.
